The Lavatory Wall ~ Readers Contributions 5
James p
A cowboy goes into a bar and pulls out his whip and uses it to get a bottle of beer off of the shelf.Looking cool he pays for 5 beers and the bar man gives him the extras.after drinking them and looking mean he goes into the stables outside to get his horse. It isnt there. He storms back into the ber and looks about hunting for a suspicious face.
'' i just went outside and my horse is missing.'' he mumbled.'' im gona get another beer and when i get back my horse had better be there... or i shall have to do what i did in texas.'' anxiously, the drinkers shuffled in thier chairs.''and believe me i dont want to do what i did in texas''. he drinks up and goes outside and sure enough heis horse is there.he saddles up and trots away when the berman says '' what did u do in texas?''. the cowboy replies ''i had to walk home.''
q. whats the difference between a women on her period and a mischievious
midget?
a. One is a cunning runt!
Two nuns, one from New York and one from Texas, were given bad directions and
ended up in a shady part of town. When they got out to ask for directions
once again, they were chased into an alley and raped by two thugs. The nun
from New York raised her hands to the sky and yelled, "Oh dear Lord, please
forgive him. He doesn't know what he's doing."
The nun from Texas yelled over, "Mine sure does!"
At 85 years, Morris marries a lovely 25 year old woman. Because her new
husband is so old the young woman decides that on their wedding night
they should have separate bedrooms.
She is concerned that the old fellow could overexert himself. After the
wedding festivities she prepares herself for bed and for the knock on
the door she is expecting.
Sure enough the knock comes and there is her groom ready for action.
They unite in conjugal union and all goes well whereupon he takes his
leave of her and she prepares to go to sleep for the night.
After a few
minutes there's a knock on the door and there old Morris is again ready
for more action. Somewhat surprised she consents to further
coupling which is again successful after which the octogenarian bids her
a fond good night and leaves.
She is certainly ready for slumber at this point, and is close to sleep,
for the second time when there is another knock at the door and there he
is again fresh as a 25 year old and ready for more. Once again they do
the horizontal boogie.
As they're laying in afterglow the young bride
says to him, "I am really impressed that a man your age has enough juice
to go at it three times. I've been with guys less than half your age who
were only good for one fuck, you're a great lover Morris."
Morris looks
confused, and turns to her and says, "Was I here already?"
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They have finally released the ingredients in Viagra.
2% aspirin
2% ibuprofen
1% Vitamin C
95% Fix-A-Flat
EA
a horse goes into a bar, the barman says "why the long face?"
A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went
though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher
and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an
airplane. The next day, he called home to his father to tell him the
news.
"So, did you jump?" the father asked.
"Well, let me tell you what happened. We got up in the plane, and the
sergeant opened up the door and asked for volunteers. About a dozen men
got up and just walked out of the plane!"
"Is that when you jumped?" asked the father.
"Um, not yet. Then the sergeant started to grab the other men one at a
time and throw them out the door."
"Did you jump then?" asked the father.
"I'm getting to that. Every one else had jumped, and I was the last man
left on the plane. I told the sergeant that I was too scared to jump. He
told be to get off the plane or he'd kick my butt."
"So, did you jump?"
"Not then. He tried to push me out of the plane, but I grabbed onto the
door and refused to go. Finally he called over the Jump Master. The Jump
Master is this great big guy, about six-foot five, and 250 pounds. He
said to me, `Boy, are you gonna jump or not?´ I said, `No, sir. I´m
too scared.´ So the Jump Master pulled down his zipper and took his
penis out. I swear, it was about ten inches long and as big around as a
baseball bat! He said, `Boy, either you jump out that door, or I´m
sticking this little baby up your ass.'"
"So, did you jump?" asked the father.
"Well, a little, at first."
EA
A golf foursome was working its way slowly through 18 holes. According
to all observers, the four golfers were obviously beginners, each making
their own typical beginner's mistake.
The duffers were Monica Lewinsky, O.J. Simpson, Ted Kennedy, and Bill
Clinton. According to the other golfers in the groups stuck behind the
duffers, the types of problems the beginners had were strangely
appropriate: Monica was a hooker, O.J. had a vicious slice, Kennedy
couldn't drive over water, and Clinton seemed to be confused about which
hole he should be playing!
EA
An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her
husband's sex drive. "What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor.
"Not
a
chance" says Mrs. Murphy "he won't even take an aspirin for a headache."
"No problem," replies the doctor. "Drop it into his coffee, he won't
even
taste it. Try it and come back in in a week to let me know how you
got
on."
A week later Mrs. Murphy returns to the doctor and he inquires as
to
how
things went. "Oh it was terrible, just terrible, doctor!"
"What
happened?"
asks the doctor.
"Well I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee The effect
was
immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off the table,
at
the
same time ripping my clothes off and then proceeded to make passionate
love to me right on the tabletop. It was terrible!"
"What was terrible?"
said the doctor, "Was the sex not good?" "Oh no doctor, the sex was
the
best I've had in 25 years, but I'll never be able to show my face
in
McDonald's again!"
EA
Did you hear about the man that was going to have an operation and the
nurse brought him a dose of viagra? He asked why the viagra when he was
getting ready to be operated on. The nurse replied so she could tell
where to put the catheter.
EA
Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
3. I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
5. All reports are in; Life is now officially unfair.
6. If all is not lost, where is it?
7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
8. Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few...
10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
11. Accidents in the back seat cause...kids.
12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
13. Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the
bathroom.
14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my
knees.
15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to
play chess?
16. It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.
17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter...I
go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm here after.
EA
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