Readers Contributions 7
Three friends -- two straight guys and a gay guy --
and
their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal
wave
came up and swamped the ship. Everyone drowned, and
soon they were standing before St. Peter.
First came one of the straight guys and his wife. St.
Peter shook his head sadly, and said, "I can't let you
in. You loved money too much. You loved it so much,
you even married a woman named Penny."
Then came the second straight guy and his wife.
"Sorry,
can't let you in, either. You loved food too much. You
loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named
Candy!"
The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered
nervously, "It doesn't look good, Dick."
Q: what can Life savers do that men Cannot?
A: Come in 5 Flavors
Q: What is good on pizza but bad on pussy?
A Crust
Q: Why does Miss Piggy douche with Honey?
A: Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork
Q: How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
A: If your partner chews before swallowing <~~~ EWWW GROSS
Q: What do you get when you put Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury
Dough boy together?
A: A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
Q: What's the difference between a bonus and a Boner?
A: Your wife will blow your bonus..
Q: What's the difference between a wife and a job?
A: After 20 yrs the job still sucks.
Q: What is the definition of wicker box?
A: It's what Elmer Fudd wants to do to Madonna.
Q: How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist?
A: A sumo wrestler shaves his legs.
Q: Why do married men like blowjobs so much?
A: 15 mins of silence.
The most powerful word?
Well, shit...
Shit may just be the most powerful word in the English language.
You can be shit faced, shit out of luck, or have shit for brains.
With a little effort, you can get your shit together,
find a place for your shit or decide to shit or get off the pot.
You can smoke shit,
buy shit,
sell shit,
lose shit,
find shit,
forget shit,
and tell others to eat shit and die.
Some people know their shit while others can't tell the difference
between shit and shineola.
There are lucky shits,
dumb shits,
crazy shits,
and sweet shits.
There is bull shit,
horse shit and
chicken shit.
You can throw shit,
sling shit,
catch shit,
or duck when shit hits the fan.
You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.
You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.
Some days are colder than shit,
some days are hotter than shit,
and some days are just plain shitty.
Some music sounds like shit,
things can look like shit,
and there are times when you feel like shit.
You can have too much shit,
not enough shit,
the right shit,
the wrong shit or
a lot of weird shit.
You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up Shit
Creek without a paddle.
Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you swim in
a lake of shit and come out smelling like a rose.
When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block
of creation.
And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything
else!
Submitted by Natalie Wood
What's the difference between pussy and apple pie?
You can eat your Mom's apple pie.
A blonde walks up to a Coke machine in a Las Vegas casino, puts in a few
coins, and out pops a Coke. She puts some more coins into the machine,
and another can of soda pops out. She keeps putting in coins, and cans
of soda keep coming out.
A guy walks up behind her and says, "Can I please use the machine?"
She says, "Screw off! Can't you see I'm winning?"
What's a yankee?
Same as a quickie, only you do it yourself.
What would you call a drunk who works at an upholstery shop?
A recovering alcoholic.
Why don't blondes water ski?
Because when their pussies get wet they fall on their backs.
Why do you get paid more at the Sperm Bank than at the Blood Bank?
Sperm is handmade.
Why did God invent lesbians?
So feminists wouldn't breed.
What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest?
A rabbi cuts it off, and a priest sucks it off.
How is a pussy like a warm toilet seat?
They both feel good, but you can't help wondering who was there before
you.
Why did the husband stop having anal sex with his wife?
Because every night it was the same shit.
Thanks to Joe M.
Got a good one? Send it in
Contents