Chapter 1by Meatman I am a white male, 63 years of age, in good health, and have been beating the meat most of my life since about age 10. I never thought there would be anyone I could really talk to about my 'habit" as openly as I can here. I am assuming and counting on total anonymity, as I am a very private person. Most of the people in my life would simply not believe I am so penis-centered. At least I hope I portray that image... a responsible family man who is deeply religious and works for the benefit of others as much as possible. But, throughout my life, since I was 9 or 10, I have been curious about my penis and the strange sensations that I get when it is handled. When I was a child, my dad referred to it as your "meat." "Beating the meat" was how he referred to masturbation. He was raised on a farm as I was, and there are plenty of opportunities to beat your meat when you're alone doing chores. I will undertake this as a project to write my story as a penis-centered man trying to be normal and not feel guilty for my personal indulgences. I hope that some of my experiences may relate to others. I would like to hear from others who have had similar experience and concerns, especially with the guilt. I do not seek justification through others' experience, just understanding that I am not weird or terribly perverted. I was raised in a very religious home with very good parents. I was never abused sexually or any other way, so I feel my youth was pretty normal and healthy. My guilt stems from the religious part of my life, and I will write a chapter on that as time goes on. I would like to write of my discovery of sex and the beautiful thing it is. I have dabbled in the not-so-nice part of sex... pornography. I will write a chapter about that and the struggle I've had not going overboard with it. I will try to break down my memoir into phases of my life, and the struggle masturbation has been for me all through my life. I will begin, however, according to the pattern Hank laid out, with "how I do it." My self-pleasuring has recently fit into two patterns. I will describe the first, and most pleasurable scenario, then the second. Scenario #1. When I can be totally alone, with no chance of interruption for at least two hours, I enjoy being totally nude out in the sun. When I find this condition, I gather up a few props and tools. I have my video camera ready to photograph my masturbation session. I have a mirror of reasonable size so I can see my cock and balls as I progress. I don't use any toys as such, only my hand and suntan oil. First, I oil myself all over. Partly for the sun protection, because I am not dark skinned, and can burn some if in the sun too long. I do, however, get a nice medium tan, when I go about it slowly and with care not to burn. The other reason for the oil is to accentuate the sensation of handling my genitals. I have been uncircumcised most of my life, but one year ago, due to cracking of the foreskin that had been going on for years, I decided to get circumcised. I studied the options with a urologist and read all I could find on the subject of circ's on the web. I found the process to be sexually stimulating to me, because I wanted to see what my penis would look like and feel like without the foreskin I had grown so used to. I will do a chapter later on the matter of the circ. So, I'm reclining in full sun with my body fully oiled or lotioned. I pay special attention to my cock and balls. With my mirror adjusted so I can see my jewels as they relax more and more with the heat and drop lower, I enjoy seeing how much bigger they seem to look. My cock and balls are completely shaved so there is no hair to get in the way of a clean image of their structure. I get intense pleasure from seeing the veins and physical structure of my penis, and how quickly I would get a hard erection when I handled it. I move the mirror from time to time to get a new angle on my genitals. I set up the video camera to get some scenes of the penis flaccid, hanging about 6 inches long partly erect, and fully erect at 6 and a half inches. I am not blessed with very large balls, and I enjoy any opportunity I get to view them in their best light. As the heat increases, they will hang lower and lower and seem to swell with the heat. I enjoy swinging them and filming the action. I would love to attach weight to them to grow them hanging lower as I've seen in some of the porn photos on the net, but have not found a good method. After I have stroked my penis and balls and they are thoroughly heated from the sun, I place the mirror where I can film my climax and the shooting cum. This is usually about an hour or so. I do not rush it. I slowly stroke the shaft full length pulling the skin tight and exposing the head completely. I enjoy seeing the glint of the sun as it reflects off the tight engorged head with clear pre-cum dripping down the side. I massage the pre-cum into the penis head until it turns milky white. I have never attempted to measure how much precum I excrete, but it's a lot. I get intense pleasure from seeing it ooze out the slit in the swollen red head when I milk the shaft. After I have massaged the precum into the head several times and my balls are hanging 3 inches or so and sweat is dripping off them and onto the wood of the deck, I am ready to go for the final burst of pleasure and see the cum spurt and the pleasure wash over me from top to feet. With the mirror in place, either on a chair in front of me so I can get a full front shot, or on the deck surface below my cock, I begin the slow rhythmic full-length stroking of the penis. Extra oil helps at this point since a lot of it has soaked in. I go slow, in order to enjoy every bit of tingle from my hard cock. I may stop just before the first pulse begins and watch the semen slowly fill the urethra and ooze out the tip. I hold the penis straight up and watch as that first drop slides down the shaft and over my hand. Then the intensity is too much, and, with the camera running, I pump it and watch the spurts cum, and cum, and cum and drop onto the mirror below in great spats. Then I massage cum all over my cock and balls and enjoy the look of the mirror covered with white spats. Then I like to just lay back and let everything hang and soak up the warmth of the sun and the tingle of the climax. I film all this action so I can enjoy it later on a rainy day. I have had some great climaxes when inside my wife, but not to the extent of seeing the cum spurt and watching as it puddles where it lands. I have also spurted on a special corner of the deck and later enjoy seeing the semen stains that have dried. It gives me a rush of excitement to know I have been there naked and shooting sperm all over the place at times later when we have guests there on the deck. None of them have ever commented about the stains, nor my wife. So no one knows but me... and you. At times I have enjoyed seeing my naked body reflected in the large living room windows just outside the deck with my dick sticking out at right angle to my body. Mine doesn't stick up in the air like you younger guys, but I still enjoy what I've got. Scenario #2. I'm sitting at the computer in my semi-private room where my wife seldom goes. She does not approve of my JO activity, even though the urologist told her it's perfectly normal for a man. She somehow feels I am cheating on her if I enjoy any sex without her. The urologist has told me that since she refuses to masturbate with me and we have lately not done well together in bed, I had best take care of my own needs if I plan to stay married to her. I do love her and hate that it has developed this way. I am doing my best to maintain my sexual tone in the genitals by exercising them as often as I can, so that I can perform with her if we ever get our act together. On to the good stuff. As I write, I have just placed my penis in a vacuum tube and pumped it up to its present maximum of 7 and one half inches (as measured on the clear tube). Precum is dripping from the end as I type, and my cock aches for some direct attention, but I will press on for the sake of my audience. About a year and a half ago I contacted one of the companies that promotes penis growth through the use of vacuum therapy and growth capsules. I got the idea, that since I was having some trouble getting a good erection like I used to, a good enlargement program might stimulate penis growth and at the same time, help my erections. I works like this. You pump your penis to full length and hold for about two minutes, then let the vacuum down and allow it to go flaccid for a few seconds. Then repeat the process for about half an hour. This is supposed to break down blood vessels and ligament cells which rebuild overnight with the supplement capsules. I am doing this process as I write, so I can see this beautiful long red thing swelling to its full length and laying on the keyboard in the vacuum tube. It feels very full and swollen and very good!! My wife knows about my pumping program, and tolerates it. She asks me why should I proceed with it when my erections don't seem any better with her yet. I just don't have the heart to till her that it's her attitude and occasional outbursts of insensitivity in commenting about my shaved cock and balls or something else that has caused the one-eyed snake to stay in hiding and hang his head! More about that later. As I spend time here at the computer, I pump the penis and the balls to promote movement of blood and engorgement in the hope that this might encourage enlargement. I also do Kegel exercises along with testosterone crčam on the penis and balls to help the muscles at the base of the penis to encourage stronger erections. I bought the book "The Testosterone Syndrome" in which the author says that Kegel exercises (squeezing the levator ani muscles repeatedly) have helped other men along with the testosterone application. You see, my main goal is to get it up the way I used to. So the exercises I do are for that purpose. My wife wants to know if the vacuum pumping turns me on. I tell her a little fib and say that it just hurts a little bit but it's worth it if I get my erections back. "No, I don't get turned on." That's my story and I'm sticking to it! I also hang weight from the penis to help break down cells and hopefully promote a longer, healthier cock. (I just took my swollen cock out of the pump to pump my balls for a while. That's part of my routine.) I let the vacuum out occasionally so as to not allow blood to stagnate and flow freely through both penis and testicles. After doing half an hour of pumping the balls, they come out nice and red and much bigger. Looks like a great big hickey! It feels great, and I feel like I'm doing something to keep my pecker and balls from withering up. My Dad is 91 this year. We have had some frank discussions about getting it up again, and I told him about the vacuum pump. He had a prostate operation in his 60's that left him incapable of an erection. I feel I'm just as bad though, since I don't have spontaneous erections any more either. I showed him the pump and even demonstrated it for him to encourage him to try it. He said when he saw my cock in the pump "Man, there's where all the meat is in the family! Mine was never that big." He was impressed with what it does but I don't think he ever was successful. Maybe he still pumps it up manually. We didn't get into that subject. I don't spurt as far as I used to, but I still cum a bunch. I've seen some improvement in strength of spurt and quantity of cum since I've been on the exercise routine. Plus, I get the added bonus of the best turn-on around... seeing my own cock bigger than it has ever been, balls bigger, the chance to exercise my prostate by cumming.!! These are opinions and NOT recommendations -- copyrighted 2001 Please use your back button to return from whence you came... or.... |